Even the children, who are aware of their own body parts and how they may differ from others, are not taught to associate those body parts with being a boy or girl. If no one knows a child’s sex, these parents theorize, the child can’t be pigeonholed into gender stereotypes. This type of parenting received widespread attention in 2011, when a Toronto couple announced that they were raising their child, Storm, without gender designation, sparking a media frenzy. Progressive parents, who see their child’s gender as fluid rather than binary, took notice. A Brooklyn couple runs a blog featuring their 2-year-old, Zoomer, and offering advice on how to navigate the world while raising a “theyby.” Others have taken to Instagram to share photos and support. Some developmental experts see gender-open parenting as a noble goal, but they also wonder how it will hold up once kids enter a gendered world that can be hostile to those who don’t fit clearly into categories. Gender-nonconforming children are more likely to be bullied. Last year, 10 states considered “bathroom bills” requiring people to use bathrooms aligned with the gender assigned to them at birth (none passed). “And depending on how conventional your community is, you could be setting your child up for bullying or exclusion.” “Once your child meets the outer world, which may be day care, or preschool, or grandparents - it's pretty much impossible to maintain a gender-free state,” Lise Eliot, professor of neuroscience at the Chicago Medical School and author of “ Pink Brain, Blue Brain,” said in an email. Parents like the Sharpes understand these realities - but they’re determined to shield their children from them for as long as possible. The Sharpes, both mechanical engineers in their early 30s, say their decision to raise their twins without designated genders evolved from a mix of research and personal experience. When Julia found out she was pregnant, she felt conflicted about learning the sex of the twins. As a female engineer in a male-dominated profession, she understood the constraints of gender expectations firsthand. “It's taken a lot of work for me to feel confident in my designs and my suggestions, and to really stand up for myself,” she said. “I’m like, ‘I’m telling you they're children.’ But they got really, really frustrated that we wouldn't tell them what their genitalia was, which is kind of a weird thing when you think about it.” “We definitely got more pushback from co-workers, who were like: ‘Wait, you're not going to tell me what you're having? You're not going to tell me what your kids are?’” Julia said. Kadyn and Zyler still have little understanding of gender, according to their parents, but have started to pick up on it. One day recently, Zyler asked Julia what “she” and “he” mean. “Since we've tried to avoid really getting into gender until they're old enough to understand it, I answered that ‘he’ and ‘she’ are pronouns and you use them to make sentences simpler, so instead of saying someone's name over and over in the sentence, you'll say ‘he’ or ‘she’ or ‘they’ instead,” she said, “and Zyler got distracted after that and moved on.” Is gender hard-wired?Īt birth, reproductive organs reveal a baby’s assigned sex. Gender, however, comes later, around age 4, when children begin to identify as masculine, feminine or somewhere along that spectrum, experts say. #Children cant choose their parents mangao how to#īut large-scale research suggests gender is largely influenced by a child’s environment, said Christia Spears Brown, a developmental psychologist and author of “ Parenting Beyond Pink and Blue: How to Raise Your Kids Free of Gender Stereotypes.” People tend to think that this gender identity is hard-wired, because most people identify with the gender that matches their sex at birth. When boys and girls are born, their brains are virtually indistinguishable while boys have slightly bigger brains on average, they also have bigger bodies. Studies suggest there are some minor observable differences in behavior early on. For instance, baby girls seem slightly better at regulating their impulses and attention than boys, according to a 2006 study from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. #Children cant choose their parents mangao how to#Įxperts agree that girls tend to speak a few months earlier than boys, though it’s not understood why.
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